|Okay, Hotshot, so you're at a party. The guy that's
been playing Freebird on his acoustic six string all night lights a massive
doobie, hits it twice, runs a ring around it and hands it to you...um,
If you've been drinking, are naturally obnoxious and chronically uncouth,
you'll pick answer A.
A: Yell, "Look everybody, free
B: Hit it twice and pass it back.
C: Ignore him and hope he forgets
D: Explain to him that you get tested
at work and would really
love to get in on the
action, but just can't.
If you know the guy and are keen on some free smoke, you'll choose B.
If you're absolutely positive that the "musician" is wearing a wire,
the guests are all narcs and the whole thing is a set-up in a joint operation
between the FBI and the DTF, fabricated to confiscate the sickly plant
you've been growing in the closet and prosecute you to the fullest extent
of the law, you've probably smoked enough anyway. Just politely thank
him and slink away until you've floated back with the rest of us.
Send us a postcard while you're there. By the way, thanks for picking
If you're leaning a bit toward D: We feel for you man. Get another
job. Start your own business. Sell Grit magazine. Your
boss is a schmuck, you're underpaid and unappreciated anyway. Tonight
on your way home, buy a Lotto ticket. Things will look up for you
Just for the record:
The first person to toke determines the direction of rotation. Default
is clockwise. If you can't remember which direction a clock runs, you've
had enough anyway and should sit down for a bit.
NEVER EVER reverse the rotation.
If you wander off and get missed, you're shitouttaluck. You
snooze you lose. Get back in there, but don't double-toke.
No Bogarting: Don't toke like you're siphoning gas or working your
way up the political ladder. Toking for broke is rude. I don't care
if it is your weed, have some damn courtesy. Puff, puff, pass is
the general rule.
Default Bong Rule is one bowl per turn because anyone with a lick of sense
packs a bong like a one-hitter--it keeps your precious ganja from burning
away while you're holding your hit or passing the bong.
Anyone caught "Bogarting" is subject to public ridicule concurrent to and
after the offence.
Whoever brought the weed packs the bowls unless he/she chooses to delegate
Unless you're of the perpetually uncouth persuasion, you never ever forget
to remove the seeds before rolling/packing/smoking. Seeds are among
the most disgusting bits of matter to set ablaze and inhale. They
are prone to spontaneous explosion which is a safety hazard and severe
Blowing into a pipe/bong is a no-no. It lets us all know you've had
more than enough. Go find something to do, Sport. For starters,
pick up all the weed you blew onto the linoleum. People have
been excommunicated from smoking circles for such an offence.
Dropping the weed onto a carpet or any upholstered furnishing is also punishable
by immediate ostracism and public humiliation. One can only hope
that the weed is his, the carpet/furniture is his and nobody saw it happen.
The host always provides whatever munchie food is immediately available.
If consensus decides upon a procurement of pizza, the person pro-offering
the pot is exempt from the purchase price.
Never insult the quality of someone's weed.
Always say thank you.
He who hath provided the weed also picks the music. Sharing herb
makes you Big Kahuna. Use your powers wisely. It is a formidable
position to hold. Use wisdom and conviction, and you will be forever
esteemed by your compadrés.