© 1997-TEOTWAWKI - Chuckles the Sane, f.a.l.  All rights reserved.
Yea verily I say unto you, thou shalt link, but nay to the plagiarist and infidel.
And then there were...
The Paranoids
At some point during your voyages on the SS Maryjane, you are guaranteed at least one bout with the Paranoids. My money lies with the Paranoids in the first round.

It's not an overdose.
Hell, it's not even dangerous.

A common remedy for The Paranoids is to find a nice cosy place to sleep. Drink a Coke. Eat some Fritos. This too shall pass, compadre.

The Paranoids won't kill you, nor will they transform you into a snarling, frothing beastie consumed by deviant compulsive posthumous sexual practices and homicidal intent, unless you were previously an avid necrophile and ill-recovered axe murderer. In such a case, deviant compulsive posthumous sexual practices and homicidal intent will either be replaced by a new inclination toward video rentals and microwave gourmet or swing toward artistically profound and vividly insightful deviant compulsive posthumous sexual practices and homicidal intent. You won't have any unbidden urges, barring that of nitrate and preservative laden junk food, and possibly a sudden facultative fondness for Pink Floyd. Most likely, you will wonder what people think of you. You will wonder if the door is locked. You will check it two or three times. You will be passionately consumed by the fact that what you have just done is illegal and is smelling up your den like a held-over meeting of the Municipal Fraternity for the Unhindered Adoraton of the Grateful Dead and a few Frampton songs...Local 300.
But alas, my friends, even The Paranoids have their cure. It is simple, costs nothing and works every time.

Don't give a rat's ass.

Secure yourself on the sofa and be grounded by the deep understanding that what is currently freaking you out like seeing your new girlfriend pee her name in the snow at the beginning of your weekend getaway, is simply a bit of a panic attack and will go away if subjected to mirth, merriment and a little forced coolness.

It's that simple. Ignore it and it will go away. Make sure the door is locked and find something to do. Listen to some music. Play some music. Have sex while listening to music. Have sex with a partner. Eat. Hang up some curtains. Clean the bathroom to music. Draw a picture. Defrost the freezer...It doesn't really matter. Whatever you do, you will enjoy the hell out of it. No, really, music is mandatory. For an additional sensory wowiezowie, listen to it just below your threshold of pain.

Learning to overcome The Paranoids is the paramount milestone in productive pot smoking. Once you have conquered The Paranoids, you will be free to really enjoy the benefits of a good MJ buzz. You will find such mastery of The Paranoids in musicians, career politicians, artists and writers, among others.

The background for this page has been painstakingly created from collected data and laboratory analysis to soothe and calm the freaking individual.  In the event of an uncontrollable bout with The Paranoids, stare at a point directly behind the pattern, drink a Coke and eat a snack cake.  The ill effects will gradually subside.  Try to have a bit more sense in the future, wouldja?