The Paranoids won't kill you, nor
will they transform you into a snarling, frothing beastie consumed by deviant
compulsive posthumous sexual practices and homicidal intent, unless you
were previously an avid necrophile and ill-recovered axe murderer. In such
a case, deviant compulsive posthumous sexual practices and homicidal intent
will either be replaced by a new inclination toward video rentals and microwave
gourmet or swing toward artistically profound and vividly insightful deviant
compulsive posthumous sexual practices and homicidal intent. You won't
have any unbidden urges, barring that of nitrate and preservative laden
junk food, and possibly a sudden facultative fondness for Pink Floyd. Most
likely, you will wonder what people think of you. You will wonder if the
door is locked. You will check it two or three times. You will be passionately
consumed by the fact that what you have just done is illegal and is smelling
up your den like a held-over meeting of the Municipal Fraternity for the
Unhindered Adoraton of the Grateful Dead and a few Frampton songs...Local
But alas, my friends, even The Paranoids have their cure. It is simple, costs nothing and works every time.
Don't give a rat's ass.
Secure yourself on the sofa and be grounded by the deep understanding that what is currently freaking you out like seeing your new girlfriend pee her name in the snow at the beginning of your weekend getaway, is simply a bit of a panic attack and will go away if subjected to mirth, merriment and a little forced coolness.
It's that simple. Ignore it and it will go away. Make sure the door is locked and find something to do. Listen to some music. Play some music. Have sex while listening to music. Have sex with a partner. Eat. Hang up some curtains. Clean the bathroom to music. Draw a picture. Defrost the freezer...It doesn't really matter. Whatever you do, you will enjoy the hell out of it. No, really, music is mandatory. For an additional sensory wowiezowie, listen to it just below your threshold of pain.
Learning to overcome The Paranoids
is the paramount milestone in productive pot smoking. Once you have conquered
The Paranoids, you will be free to really enjoy the benefits of a good
MJ buzz. You will find such mastery of The Paranoids in musicians, career
politicians, artists and writers, among others.