Procuring Pot

Procuring Pot
Or "Any Pot in a Storm"

There are countless methods of procuring pot. They range from moderately risky to outright asinine, with a general air of government perceived illegality and threat of government applied violence all the way across the board. For your general reference and continuing convenience they are as follows:

Ask around.

In the territorial confines of the reigning Fourth Reich of the united States of America, this is a terrific means to find undercover police officers who would fancy nothing quite so much as to cart you off to jail and humiliate you to the fullest extent of several peoples' subjective perceptions of an inarguably colorable system of laws. This method has a minute success rate and a Herculean idiot factor. Trying to score weed by asking random strangers is like telling the local school board you've been fancying the notion of starting a firearms club at the local high school. Chances are that you will instead encounter someone who will politely tell you to keep your voice down, find someone else to pester and, more often than not, to piss off. Some people are just sensitive like that. Call it paranoia. Call it self-preservation if you like. I call it common sense. Big brother also comes in sheep's clothing--as well as the unmistakable garb of cops, spooks, Ma Bell, network executives, some of your favourite Hollywood Moguls...and very possibly miscellaneous members of your neighborhood.

Now then, if you don't kick around with Feds, pigs, members of the Illuminati, or other criminal types, chances are you already know somebody kind. You will know somebody if you keep your eyes and your mind open.

Hang out with the right people.

A friend with weed is a friend indeed! Most people who smoke pot know where to get pot...if you don't, well--you really don't need to be smoking pot...or reading this damn web site, for that matter. Get a hobby. Get cable. Buy a pet. Those 'right people' with whom you need to be hanging are the ones that speak up when somebody is spouting a bunch of Anti-Truth Propaganda in support of locking up respectable potheads. They make a stand for legalization...or even better--complete deregulation. The sort of people you need to know are those guys, because they are the consumers. They don't need you, you need them. They won't usually make problems, they want your money. You want weed. Supply and demand. Ah, the pure and beautiful fluidity of Capitalism in motion, until Government has to step in and drag their willies through the frosting.

Grow your own Chia Pet

But be forewarned, most Government Terrocrats regard closet personal-use gardening a a feasible means of creating a scenario for an act of manufacturing, with a treacherous intent to distribute for fun and profit--currently a Federal Felony (which has jurisdiction in Puerto Rico, Guam, Washington, D. C., Federal landgrabs, etc--but NOT within the confines of the individual states...if you're into all that) and big overall no-no in the eyes of the powers-that-insist-to-be. Big Brother assumes that since you've brought enough for the whole class, you'll go ahead and bring it to show and sell. It is commonly known that a fine isn't the only stiff thing you'll receive in jail.

If the thought of becoming Big Jed Backdoor's cellblock trollop doesn't dissuade you, or you're willing to hole up and defend your garden to the very last, flying a "Don't Tread On Me!" banner and remembering Waco to the very last, and you are still inclined to grow your own weed, complete instructions may be found later in the book, as well as a comprehensive list of suggested reading materials.

Move to Latin America
Okay, you could go out on a limb and move. Say to hell with the USSA or whatever oppressive government under whose thumb you currently live, locate a source of income in a geographic area ravaged by poverty and unemployment and secure a new home and lifestyle under a more actively oppressive government in exchange for twenty-dollar pounds of weed and thirty-cent beer. In most of these safe havens, the water sucks, the weather never changes save for hurricanes, the food gives you the shits until you're used to it, marijuana is still illegal and you don't know how to ask for pot in Spanish or Portugese.

How not to ask for pot en español:
¿El gotta jointo weedo, amigo?
¿Hablo marihoochie, hombre?
¿Que pot, amigo?

On the other hand, there are the twenty-dollar pounds, the cheap real-estate and the thirty-cent beers, in near-perfect weather that almost never changes for the worst. If your occupation or financial situation will allow you to relocate to Central or South America, specifically Costa Rica, Honduras, Jamaica, Colombia, Ecuador, Venezuela, Brazil or any of the surrounding islands, do it while the Federal Reserve Note is still up against everything there--that is, except for the South American countries using the US Federal Reserve Note as their legal tender for all debts, public, private, foreign and domestic. Most offshore banks aren't talking to Big Brother yet.

Move to Amsterdam
What Pothead hasn't entertained the notion of living in the Disneyland of Stonedom? What pothead do you know that can afford to move to Amsterdam? They've got less draconian drug laws. By and large, they let the people alone. As a result of these two factors and the curious abundance of unusually leggy prostitutes and cheap porn involving unusually leggy prostitutes-turned-stage entertainers, there is nothing wrong with their economy or a need for an immigrant workforce. They probably don't need you, they've got all the help they need for the next hundred years or so, but it still makes for a must-see vacation. The PS Guide is awaiting submissions detailing first-person Amsterdam frolic and merriment.

Highly Recommended Resource
Escape from America
For more information about finding
a different country to call home